The key to being pleasant is putting your needs under those of everybody else's. The trick to this is learning to understand what people really need. Sometimes it means trusting them to know what they need and leaving responsibility in their hands though other times it might mean telling them no. What I am trying to say is that we are put on earth with the ability to live however we might desire and when we use this to help others we will not only be pleasant, but a blessing.
I decided I could go on and on about different specifics areas that I need help in. Things that I do not do well in regards to being a pleasant person to be around and with. Yet the point is to realize what is that makes somebody pleasant and I believe it ultimately comes down to choosing to Love people. This sounds terribly cliche but it is true time and time again. When we love people we will not end up giving into all of their desires or they won't learn anything but when we truly love by choice and not on conditions we will be pleasant.
Each situation and person may require their own solution, an unique way to be treated, and that is why when we wrap it all up in true unconditional love I know that it can be done. The problem only lies within ourselves as imperfect beings that struggle to love. One last piece of advice I want and can give you is this... Giving people what they want is not how you become truly pleasant, but rather you will become like a temporary high. When you sincerely take time to intentionally invest into people seeking ways to give them what they need you will be Pleasant. May God give me the grace to, even for a moment, be pleasant, to be an image bearer of the King of kings, of the one who calls himself "Love".
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Disclosure
It has been said that we all have problems. Life does not just fall into anybody's lap and that is the way that it is going to be until this world comes to an end. So, how and who do you tell about your problems? The thing that I struggle with is knowing when somebody has heard just about enough of your problems. I am fortunate enough to not have to much of a struggle with letting people know that things are not sailing as smoothly as I like. I say fortunate not because it is good to be a complainer, but it is good to be able to be honest with people about what is really going on. At least this is true when there is legitimate care from the other person, and it also has to be said, that if you are more than willing to share your problems with others, be sure that you make yourself available for them to do the same with you.
So, how do we go about helping each other, and live in a loving community if we cannot be honest with each other? This then has to be balanced with giving other people ample opportunity to share as well, especially if they struggle with letting other people in. Unfortunately the squeaky wheel tends to get greased, when the truth is we all have problems, and need help. So what I am trying to say is that we all need to open up to people, and let them open up to us. We all want to be heard, so I encourage you to be an ear to somebody this next week, and if you do not struggle with listening then take some time talking. Maybe it is time for you to ask for help.
In my experience growing up with and around Mennonites one thing becomes evident. Everybody is willing to help you out. As long as there is somebody who is worse off then I must be doing alright for "myself." So the hardest thing was not spending time helping people, but it was allowing people to help me. It reminds me of a couple of lines from a Hymn called "Servant Song" if in fact is a hymn. Any who it goes like this if you have not heard it "Brother, let me be your servant. Let me be as Christ to you. Pray that I might have the grace To let you be my servant, too" (Richard Gillard, Servant Song) So hopefully as you seek deeper harmony whilst living in community with those around you, a balance can be found for more pleasant living.
So, how do we go about helping each other, and live in a loving community if we cannot be honest with each other? This then has to be balanced with giving other people ample opportunity to share as well, especially if they struggle with letting other people in. Unfortunately the squeaky wheel tends to get greased, when the truth is we all have problems, and need help. So what I am trying to say is that we all need to open up to people, and let them open up to us. We all want to be heard, so I encourage you to be an ear to somebody this next week, and if you do not struggle with listening then take some time talking. Maybe it is time for you to ask for help.
In my experience growing up with and around Mennonites one thing becomes evident. Everybody is willing to help you out. As long as there is somebody who is worse off then I must be doing alright for "myself." So the hardest thing was not spending time helping people, but it was allowing people to help me. It reminds me of a couple of lines from a Hymn called "Servant Song" if in fact is a hymn. Any who it goes like this if you have not heard it "Brother, let me be your servant. Let me be as Christ to you. Pray that I might have the grace To let you be my servant, too" (Richard Gillard, Servant Song) So hopefully as you seek deeper harmony whilst living in community with those around you, a balance can be found for more pleasant living.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Own it
This is a very tough post to write because in a lot of ways it does not seem fair. Fair to say that in order to be perfectly pleasant one can never use an excuse for their actions. Now, before going any further let it be clear, that is not what is being said. So with that out of the way be assured that it is about to get very grey.
An excuse is something the vast majority of people have used, and for good reason. It is the only perceivable way that one can let anybody else know the reason for their actions that appear on the surface as disagreeable with some preset standard. The term also carries with it negative connotations that indicate a passing of the buck, or so to speak. Whether it be onto other people, circumstances, or events. Whatever the case the one attempting to be excused (excusie is not a word... apparently) believes as most people have that without these pleas of reason they will be misunderstood and shamed for their insolence. Yet that is the beauty of living, no individual does it on their own. There is always somebody else involved and for that I am really thankful.
The point that is slowly coming about is this, when we do not take responsibility for our actions and use an excuse we are being unpleasant and this is for two reasons. It is extremely painful to see grown people live a life of refusing to take responsibility. On the other side of that river we find an incredibly pleasant person to own up to their actions and mistakes even when other variables could have been included. Secondly when an excuse is made the other person in the equation, the accuser, is denied their chance to show understanding. Admittedly it is very easy to get the urge to withhold grace and understanding for somebody who never caries the responsibility.
Now as it has already been stated this is not to say that anybody who explains themselves is unpleasant, that is not what is being said. Rather there is a time and place to explain oneself and that is when this all becomes very grey. (To explain myself I did warn you in the preface that.... ) To be totally honest, writing this is tough because there is no definite line but perhaps a good thing to look at is the long term result. This could be deciding to explain or allowing them to forgive, and understand. That is where unconditional love comes in really handy.
Speaking of unconditional love, I know one thing for certain. We never have to use an excuse with God, because I can one hundred percent guarantee whatever mistakes have been made he knows who is to "blame" does he care. No, he just wants us to come before him humbly asking for grace. Maybe that is why it feels so good when somebody does not give an excuse or reason just humbly asks to be understood for the result. This is all to say is you are not the only person in your story, leave room for the good, love, and respect of others, you might be surprised and actually find some.
An excuse is something the vast majority of people have used, and for good reason. It is the only perceivable way that one can let anybody else know the reason for their actions that appear on the surface as disagreeable with some preset standard. The term also carries with it negative connotations that indicate a passing of the buck, or so to speak. Whether it be onto other people, circumstances, or events. Whatever the case the one attempting to be excused (excusie is not a word... apparently) believes as most people have that without these pleas of reason they will be misunderstood and shamed for their insolence. Yet that is the beauty of living, no individual does it on their own. There is always somebody else involved and for that I am really thankful.
The point that is slowly coming about is this, when we do not take responsibility for our actions and use an excuse we are being unpleasant and this is for two reasons. It is extremely painful to see grown people live a life of refusing to take responsibility. On the other side of that river we find an incredibly pleasant person to own up to their actions and mistakes even when other variables could have been included. Secondly when an excuse is made the other person in the equation, the accuser, is denied their chance to show understanding. Admittedly it is very easy to get the urge to withhold grace and understanding for somebody who never caries the responsibility.
Now as it has already been stated this is not to say that anybody who explains themselves is unpleasant, that is not what is being said. Rather there is a time and place to explain oneself and that is when this all becomes very grey. (To explain myself I did warn you in the preface that.... ) To be totally honest, writing this is tough because there is no definite line but perhaps a good thing to look at is the long term result. This could be deciding to explain or allowing them to forgive, and understand. That is where unconditional love comes in really handy.
Speaking of unconditional love, I know one thing for certain. We never have to use an excuse with God, because I can one hundred percent guarantee whatever mistakes have been made he knows who is to "blame" does he care. No, he just wants us to come before him humbly asking for grace. Maybe that is why it feels so good when somebody does not give an excuse or reason just humbly asks to be understood for the result. This is all to say is you are not the only person in your story, leave room for the good, love, and respect of others, you might be surprised and actually find some.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Just Say It
As I already mentioned these installments might not flow nicely from one to the other because they are in no way written already. That being said I will try to just say it (and I just got my title).
Imagine going out for supper with friends and it is time to choose the destination. Now there are at least two lessons to learn from this scenario that many people have experienced. To be pleasant one must remember that nothing ever is about ME. Yet often people assume that this means that they should not even voice an opinion because they might come across as pushy. Yet that is ultimately frustrating to everyone else, and this is where the balancing act comes back.
What is trying to be said is that people want to know how you feel, even if that is not the decision that is chosen. Which brings up the other lesson, once you have stated your opinion and it has been heard it doesn't have to be the one that is chosen. Just say it clearly and be willing to go with somebody else's choice. People generally appreciate to know how you are feeling and want input but demanding your own way is also not all that pleasant. Keep in mind there might be situations that include things like life or death where demanding to use an idea would be necessary.
The final lesson here remains for those who do not struggle with being indecisive. Please understand that it is only pleasant to ask questions that you actually want the answers to. Be specific because it is not enjoyable to be shot down every time. A lot of trouble can be saved if those who are more decisive in certain areas leave fewer choices for those who are not. Even if the decisive really do want to do what the rest of the group wants to do. The best way to encourage people to share their opinions and feelings is to agree with them when they do, and with practice somebody can set themselves up for success by properly presenting the questions.
Imagine going out for supper with friends and it is time to choose the destination. Now there are at least two lessons to learn from this scenario that many people have experienced. To be pleasant one must remember that nothing ever is about ME. Yet often people assume that this means that they should not even voice an opinion because they might come across as pushy. Yet that is ultimately frustrating to everyone else, and this is where the balancing act comes back.
What is trying to be said is that people want to know how you feel, even if that is not the decision that is chosen. Which brings up the other lesson, once you have stated your opinion and it has been heard it doesn't have to be the one that is chosen. Just say it clearly and be willing to go with somebody else's choice. People generally appreciate to know how you are feeling and want input but demanding your own way is also not all that pleasant. Keep in mind there might be situations that include things like life or death where demanding to use an idea would be necessary.
The final lesson here remains for those who do not struggle with being indecisive. Please understand that it is only pleasant to ask questions that you actually want the answers to. Be specific because it is not enjoyable to be shot down every time. A lot of trouble can be saved if those who are more decisive in certain areas leave fewer choices for those who are not. Even if the decisive really do want to do what the rest of the group wants to do. The best way to encourage people to share their opinions and feelings is to agree with them when they do, and with practice somebody can set themselves up for success by properly presenting the questions.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Preface
This is not a book, (If you are familiar with the word "preface") if it was you just might want some finalized ideas. You might seek answers to what it means, and how does one be pleasant. This is however not dissimilar to a book, it will have themed installments similar to chapters and has an over arching goal. The biggest difference is that each installment just might be out of order, because they are being typed as they come to my head. There is no complete work being released bit by bit, what you see is all that I have.
What is about to be released into the wild blue expanse of the "internet" is what I consider the art of being pleasant. I call it an art for the same reason that just about everything in this world is an art to somebody or other. Art is never perfect, and it is never finished until the artist is finished (I mean dead). I am hardly an expert in the field of being pleasant, I would not even consider myself practiced, but it is something I have been struggling and wrestling with. How do I live in a way that is pleasant? Now I should warn you, this will have a Christian spin on things and I cannot help that in the least, but if you are familiar with the Bible you are probably aware that it encourages a behavior that is upstanding and honorable putting others ahead of ourselves. This brings me to one verse that really inspired this "If it is possible as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18)
I think that we could use a little less of a focus on ourselves, and start considering others. So why did I choose the word "Pleasant". Long story short it actually comes from a quote from an old movie with Jimmy Stewart, called Harvey. His character is talking about his approach to life and is sharing some wisdom that his mother shared with him. So I hope this gives a little clarity to the choice of word, and maybe a little more will come as we go.
What is about to be released into the wild blue expanse of the "internet" is what I consider the art of being pleasant. I call it an art for the same reason that just about everything in this world is an art to somebody or other. Art is never perfect, and it is never finished until the artist is finished (I mean dead). I am hardly an expert in the field of being pleasant, I would not even consider myself practiced, but it is something I have been struggling and wrestling with. How do I live in a way that is pleasant? Now I should warn you, this will have a Christian spin on things and I cannot help that in the least, but if you are familiar with the Bible you are probably aware that it encourages a behavior that is upstanding and honorable putting others ahead of ourselves. This brings me to one verse that really inspired this "If it is possible as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18)
I think that we could use a little less of a focus on ourselves, and start considering others. So why did I choose the word "Pleasant". Long story short it actually comes from a quote from an old movie with Jimmy Stewart, called Harvey. His character is talking about his approach to life and is sharing some wisdom that his mother shared with him. So I hope this gives a little clarity to the choice of word, and maybe a little more will come as we go.
Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always
called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well
for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.
called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well
for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.
-Elwood P. Dowd (Harvey, 1950)
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